I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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