where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
