you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
