I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
