I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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