My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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