Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
