Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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