porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
