I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
