i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
