You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
as a side note pls kill me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
