thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize