so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
