who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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