and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Two words: blizzard sex
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Drunk is a universal language darling
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