Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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