I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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