hotel room ftw
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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