I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
