I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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