woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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