just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
