I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize