Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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