you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
