He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
