We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
