Acid is not a monday night drug
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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