Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
