I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
