i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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