Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
