I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
