i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
