South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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