hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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