ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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