Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize