I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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