I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
