I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
