Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How external is "for external use only"?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
