I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
