i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
