For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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