I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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