i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
