Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
