Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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