Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
