I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
