His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize