remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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