That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
