And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
