did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
