Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
