Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
