i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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