I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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