He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
