Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
