sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
