Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
