I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
