i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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