Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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