I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
someone owes me an orgasm
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
