I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
