I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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