haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
