peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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