In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
