hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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