tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she smelled like a LAN party
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
