I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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