Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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