It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize