Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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