Too much gin, very little bucket
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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