1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
