My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
