i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
