last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
